Motherly Musings: Hard Work = Reward

I am about to embark on the biggest adventure (outside of giving birth) of my life. I will be studying abroad this Summer to study French and Art History in the birthplace of many important art and literary movements: Paris.

For those of you who know me, this is a fulfillment of a lifelong dream. I have slowly been working toward my degree in Studio Art, minoring in French Language for many years. It has been a long struggle, and it will continue to be so for many years yet. Working full-time to provide for a family, going to school part-time to achieve my lofty goals, and trying to be the best mother I can be. It's a juggling act, a lot of hats, whatever you want to call it, but at the end of the day, it all defines me as a person. The fuel that keeps me going is my children. I entered into this crazy lifestyle to provide for them and also to be a positive role model. I want them to know that you CAN achieve your dreams. It may be through hard work and dedication, but it can be done. And it will be done.

The only heartbreak about my semester in Paris is that I will be away from my children for 4 weeks. And even worse, I will miss my eldest daughter's birthday. She says she's fine with it because a.) she'll get two parties out of the deal, and b.) Mommy will just have to buy her a present in France. My youngest daughter is going to miss me although right now she's enjoying learning French via CD in my car. Even though she is only 4, she realizes it is not a permanent situation. Daddy, being a touring musician, has been gone for weeks at a time in the past, in which we communicate via video chat. But this is the longest Mom will have ever been away. Despite my insane work and school hours, I am there for my daughters to take them to music lessons, ballet class, birthday parties, etc. I've always strived to be as involved as time permits. Skipping classes to go to awards ceremonies, staying up late to work on my own school work to help my girls out with theirs are all things that I've learned to do. But actually being gone for a month. I know that it won't be easy for any of us, especially me. I am bringing my trusty laptop and utilizing Google video chat to keep that link home while I am in a foreign country. I just hope that is enough.

There is this fear that I have, that when my children are grown they'll say, "Mom was never there." and think of how selfish I was, "Remember when she went off to Paris for a month and missed my birthday?" I hope that they don't view it this way in hindsight and remember historical context. I am going for them as much as I am going for myself. The decision to further my studies abroad was to have an enriching and personally fulfilling experience that will inspire my art, my global perspective, and my sense of being. I also hope to bring back from Paris experiences and lessons to share with my family. Will they remember that in twenty years? I hope so.

I love my husband and children with all my heart, but my heart tells me that this semester abroad is the right thing to do. My heart also tells me that I need to keep moving forward and making myself a better person. I may not be living the typical American motherhood, but I am living my life in a way that shows my children that there is more to life than what you see day to day.

The real lesson is Hard work = Rewards. This is a hard won reward... and actually, the reward in itself is also hard work.

Adventures in Art: Why?

The question was posed. Why are you going to school to be an artist?
Unspoken accusations often, but not always, lie behind this line of questioning: “There is no money in art.” “You already have a good job.” “You’re still hanging on to a dream.”

The accusations ring true, but in this instance I have to reply. I am going to school to be an artist because I have to. I would regret everything if I were to abandon my pursuit of becoming an artist.

So dramatic, I know. It only gets more so as I continue to examine my reasons.

Art is real. Creating physically what I feel emotionally gives me this incredible sense of power and freedom. Whether or not the point comes across exactly as I want it to is of no consequence. I created, with my hands, something that comes from my soul. Perhaps this is why I struggle with the academic side of studying art. I am working on technique and skill and becoming a better technician of my trade. It’s frustrating, sometimes demoralizing, but absolutely necessary for me to be able to take what is in my brain and manifest it for others to examine.

It does not help that I am a classic overachiever. The fact that I am not always the best is an ego clipping experience, but I continue to thrust forward with the lessons learned from past mistakes. I am a better artist for it. Just ask EmilyCello at the Stark Raving Cello Blog about the Benefits of Failure.

Ultimately, an art education will make me a better person. I will have fulfilled my goals and found new ways to look at the world and communicate with others.

But there is a more pressing issue here. I originally decided to go back to school for my children. True, I am not home as often, but I am providing them a valuable lesson: One can achieve their dreams, with education, hard work, and dedication.

And honestly, what better reason can I give than that?

The Figure: Finding a Balance

Figure drawing. Finding the nuances of the human form and documenting them faithfully or using it as an excuse to express creatively?

I've been battling with this for the past several weeks. As an art student I am required to draw the figure, and frankly I enjoy drawing from life, but lately I have been really struggling. My inconsistency as an artist is really starting to chip away at my confidence. Some days my polychromos pencil will act as if it has been blessed by the nine muses. Other days, not so much.

Part of the issue is that I am trying so hard to document the figure faithfully while finding new and interesting ways to adjust the form on my paper to create a more dynamic and well composed work of art. I am stuck between practice of technique and being creative... and most likely compromising too much on both ends.

As I obsessively work out the form and try to make it as true as can be, all my technical shortcomings are exposed and the drawings are not expressive enough to show anything about me as an artist. Yet I can't seem to get out of my headspace. Herein lies the bigger problem.

In my head I...

• Draw too tight
• Obsess over minor details
• Ignore the "big picture"
• Draw what my left brain "knows" rather than what I actually see

Once it is time to step back from the artwork, I am left disappointed in myself. If these are things that I know are inhibiting my ability to be creative, why do I continue to do them? Answer: I am afraid of myself, plain and simple. If I ever tapped into a real place it could be amazing, or it could be terrible. But one thing is for certain, the thick layer of shellac I have been layering myself in would crack wide open. Not to mention it would put the real me on the wall for others to judge. Which is something I am far too fragile to endure at this point. The one time that I had done that I left with great feedback and a bruised soul.

If I am being honest, since then, it has been difficult for me to entertain the idea of taking risks artistically. I've been second guessing everything and retreating further into my head. How do I break out of here?!

Here are some things I am going to try...

• Stream of conscious art making
• Take risks
• Take breaks
• Just draw / paint / whatever / do something!

Hopefully by doing so will enable me to approach the figure more creatively and less documentary. Van Gogh struggled with the figure as well, but knew that drawing the human form would only further his abilities with drawing organic shapes in nature. In letters to his brother, Theo, he expresses both a love for and frustration with figure drawing. But rather than obsessing over how true to life, he used the expressive lines of the human body to inform non human elements in his other works. I only hope that I too can find balance within creativity and technique.

Here's to reaching for the Star(ry Night)s. Wish me luck!

Want more on Van Gogh? check out  www.artsy.net/artist/vincent-van-gogh

What I learned on the Flight to San Francisco

This weekend I flew up to San Francisco for a brief, unplanned, whirlwind weekend getaway with my two best friends: my husband and my creative accomplice.

We got a great deal on flights on Virgin America. This was actually my first time flying with them, I usually go cheaper chicken if I get on a plane at all. For those of you who did not know this about me, I would love to travel but just can never find the funds or the time to do so. Therefore this trip was a much needed change of scenery.... But more on that in another post. For now, the topic is: "What I learned on the Flight to San Francisco".

Virgin America has so many things going for it. In air wi-fi being a huge plus. Su was tweeting from above the clouds, while Dust and I watched TV on our personal screens (sharing a head set).

One of the channels offered was boingboing TV. This is a channel based upon www.boingboing.net which is host to all kinds of quirky news stories, commentaries and interviews with artists, techies, innovators, activists and all things alternative. Some of it really fascinating, some of it just plain odd. Though it did introduce me to an artist I had never heard of, whose work I find truly inspired.

Cassandra C. Jones is a San Francisco based artist who works with found photographs to create collages or animations that take something we see everyday and turn it into something completely new. Her 2D works are trompe l'oeil collages that are never what they seem... ugh. cheese-ball. You know what? Just watch the video.



Thank you Virgin America. If I had not flown on your plane this weekend, I would have never been exposed to such a fine artist with interesting perspective. And now, I want to share it with all of you...

xx
t

Deadly Murals

This past Sunday we participated in the Dia De Los Muertos Festival in Canoga Park. There was music, food, arts, crafts, altars, custom car show, and of course, street painting.

Dia De Los Muertos (aka: The Day of the Dead) is a holiday celebrated in Latin and North American countries. The holiday focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember loved ones who have passed on. There is a common misconception that Dia De Los Muertos is the "Mexican Halloween." Actually, it is believed to be a fusion of an existing Native tradition of honoring the dead with the Catholic holidays All Saints' Day (Nov. 1) and All Souls' Day (Nov. 2). And although face painting and dressing as skeletons is a part of the festivities, it is intended to make light of the very serious subject of death and loss and to celebrate our short life in this realm. Traditions include building offrendas (or altars) honoring the deceased. Offrendas are usually decorated with sugar skulls, marigolds, photographs, favorite foods and beverages of the departed.

At this particular festival, all the street painters / muralists chose artworks in the spirit of Dia De Los Muertos: from paintings of deceased family or pets, to skeletons, to representations of Latin American culture. We chose to do a reproduction of a Sylvia Ji painting. Ji is a California artist whose portraits of beautiful women in calavara face painting have gotten much attention in the low-brow and urban art scenes. In fact, many people at the festival immediately recognized her work, which made it easy for festival goers to approach us and talk to us about the original artwork.



At the end of the day all the artists voted for their favorite street murals under the following categories: "Funniest", "Scariest", "Most Beautiful", and "Best in Show" There were so many amazing and diverse street paintings so it was a very pleasant surprise when we were announced as the winners for "Most Beautiful."

Thank you for everyone who came out and supported us! It was a great time. The event staff were friendly and helpful, the children were so enthralled with the artwork, there were thousands of people, we reconnected with some street artists we hadn't seen in a while and we even got our photo in the Daily News. All in all, it was a great way to spend a Sunday.

Dia De Los Muertos

Just when you thought you heard the end of street painting... The Dia De Los Muertos festival shows up. You know what that means. Susanne and I will be painting the Streets of Canoga Park Sunday November 1, 2009. Come and see the altars, the car show, the crafts, the food, and us!

More info at: http://www.mainstreetcanogapark.org/dia2k9/index.html

Santa Clarita Festival of the Arts

It was a successful weekend for Susanne and I... but rather than blather on and on about our adventure, why don't you just see for yourself!






xx